Birthday feels.


So,  in 48 hours I will be 24 and I can honestly say it has been the most influential year of my life to date. I just can't believe how far my life has come. I can't say what the turning point for me was. Quite honestly, I think I was just tired of being so scared.

What changed. 

New job.
On March 23rd, I started my current job, a receptionist and honestly I loved it. Working there allowed me to slightly burst my bubble. When your so anxious its quite easy to build a little bubble, where you cant get hurt or scared or even intimidated. Being around such a professional office allowed me to see women to there fullest effect.

Mothers,who are managing their own team, they had it all, even when the thought they were struggling. Individuals who made no apologies of being who they are, whether people like it or not. People of all walks of life continuing communications to ensure all tasked are fulfilled. Being surrounded by so many new people, who didn't know my story, who didn't expect me to fail and made no apologies for anything really made me realise within  a mere few months of where i wanted to be,

Driving license
August- the month I got my license. After my fifth time, yes fifth! I passed my test, honestly I didn't have an overwhelming happiness like so many people say they do: like i expected too. That feeling didn't come till much later, when i got my car and took the 'P' plates off my car (much to my parents dismay!). Come to think of it, there was a distinct smugness to it all - a feeling i cant put into words.

Graduating in 2014,like most students I had a lot of debt. Debt which worried me to my core, how was I going to pay it. Honestly, I didn't until I got my new job.

At first I was working two jobs(7 days a week) and spent every bit of money I could on paying off my debt, living of my tips and only taking  money out off my wages for taxis and my phone bill. Some how I did it, I remember paying of my last bit and crying, sobbing really to my mum. That moment was possibly the moment I realised that nothing was impossible.

Now don't get me wrong i am still terrible with money, I love a designer pair of shoes or an expensive bottle of wine so I'm constantly living pay check to pay check. I did it though, I accomplished something I never thought I could, in a way i never thought possible. Simply cause I was determined not too fail.

The next year?
The future scares me, I look around and see my friends buying houses, getting engaged or travelling the world. I sit at my desk often wondering where the next few years will take me, if i get my Vivienne Westwood tote or go to New York, or even if I will ever be a mother. The simple fact is not knowing scares me, i like a plan. Although, I am aware that things don't go to plan, so hears to 24. Hopefully, full of wine, love and adventure.

Em x


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