We Broke up.
First and foremost I have to say that this was no ones fault; we were just not the right fit. As two people we were very similar, our morals may have varied but our characteristics were very alike. Being as similar as we were arguments escalated and a 'tiff' turned into a full argument. In the end I think we both knew what was coming. After a few weeks my heads starting to get a little clearer about the whole thing. I don't think I will ever see him again, not because I don't want to but just for the fact that it will remind me of the difficult month. I might be on the way to get over this break up but not this month.
Through out the relationship there was one thing after another. Constantly battling for something you want so much, is so draining. Neither of us were in the right 'place' for a relationship. I wear my heart on my sleeve so after weeks of trying to get over this break up, my anxiety is still high and some how I still don't feel good enough.
This is an area in which I don't want to speak to much about- many of these stories are not my own. Recently as a family we have gone through a lot of turmoil; unfortunately we will continue to do so. This means my blogs may be slightly sporadic, my family will and always be a priority- although I will try my best to keep creating content.
This year has definitely seen a decline in my mental health. Now don't get me wrong as I am right now, I'm coping. Although, there was defiantly a time where I wasn't. The beginning of march I didn't think I would be able to cope with yet another anxiety attack. At my worst I was having one to two anxiety attacks a day many of which left me feeling ill for the rest of the day. The pressure of everything seemed to take its toll and I don't know how I would have made it without the support from my friends and others in the blogging community.
Now I am so proud to say I have only had one panic attack this week. I am not sure what has changed but I am sure something has. It's like a switch has clicked in my brain and I no longer need to feel guilty about the things I have in my life; I am not a bad person for wanting more.
If you ask me how I am feeling right now the answer is I really don't know. I am definitely in a better place and I know I am taking steps to better myself and my future. I am stunned at how draining this month has been but yet I am even more baffled that my family and I, didn't seem to get even a tiny break. Some how we managed to get through and will get through any situation like the fighters we are(and with chocolate).